That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
my sisters under your porch take her home
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
