just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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