then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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