im drinking this country out of the recession.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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