i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I look better un-naked...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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