Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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