I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
