dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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