that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It's never too late to be topless.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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