Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
