just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
