i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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