Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
