Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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