just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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