i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
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She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
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Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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