What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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