I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Is it penis luge time yet?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
