Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
