he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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