i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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