All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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