I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Who died my cat blue again?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
