my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
