I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
