he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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