I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
