I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
