im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
