If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I need a hoe opinion
go on
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
