oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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