She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
