Your dad touched me again.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
