Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
