it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
