you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
