im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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