Are we in a gay sports bar?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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