Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
