Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
