I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
MIDGETS
????
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
