My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
