My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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