I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
