he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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