I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
