dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
