Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
