Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
