so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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