I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Tornado booty call.. dedication
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
