dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
