even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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