last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
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Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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