I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
