A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
