Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
