I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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