i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
