dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
