The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
