Your dad touched me again.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
